aprox. 101 things to get you kicked out of Walmart. yes I know some of the numbers are missing.
( I did not write this)
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get
to join in.
5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"
15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Coupon.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"
31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"
41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: "Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at
something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, voices again!"
49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.
53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the
mannequins.
54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.
57. Set up a battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes.
65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
66. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of
shoes, not puting one pair back. Take the paper from the
boxes and throw it in various aisles.
70. Walk around the perfume department with a bottle of
super strong perfume and spray people as they walk by.
73. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen!
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat.
74. Repeat 73 with a can of bug spray.
75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
76. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
78. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for
toddlers.
79. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind
customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your
friend.
80. Excessively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.
82. Walk up to the customer service and when they say
"Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter
Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of
french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say
"Oh, to go".
83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.
84. When your alone, have loud conversations with your
"multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern
person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old
girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. They should
sound like this: "Great idea good fellow, we shall have a jolly
good time.(English)" "Look, oall I wanna do, is wok ta
Stawbucks and git a cawfee(New York)" Etc.
86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.
87. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to
leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your
walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to
go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then
quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away
as fast as your can.
88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger,
your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while
singing the circus song.
93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just
stay mesmerized.
95. Light a match under a spinkler.
98. Stand next to a manikin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get
paid enough to do this"
99. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
100. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
101. Steal a Walmart shirt. The possibilities are endless.
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit
Hope this made you laugh!!!!
